To Each According to Her Need...

I have been using the bathroom by myself for over three decades. At the risk of bragging, I'd like to state, for the record, that I believe I have mastered all the skills related to toilet time. My techniques are beyond reproach.

There is a local cafe that I frequent which seems to feel differently. While it is a friendly place, the staff does seem to wonder, on occasion, why they are required to wait on you, when you are obviously not as cool as you could be.

They are correct, of course: I could be cooler. Also, the coffee is pretty good, and they have sushi in the morning, which I enjoy, so they get a pass on their haughty demeanor.

Except for one thing: this note they have in the bathroom.

As I mentioned above, I am fairly secure in my privy acumen. Up to this point, only my mother has ever had any criticisms, and those came early on in my training. So, needless to say, I was taken aback by this bit of instruction posted on the cafe's bathroom wall:
Dear Customers: Please use only as much toilet paper as you need! The plumbing is very sensitive and these toilets get clogged VERY easily.

I am sympathetic to plumbing issues. In the house where I grew up, all visitors had to be instructed to "jiggle the handle" after flushing before they went into the downstairs bathroom. Signs in public restrooms with gentle reminders to not flush tampons, paper towels, small animals don't bother me. This little bit of instruction, however, goes too far.

Do the people of this cafe really believe that the general public is too decadent in its use of toilet paper? Do they imagine that we pull it off the roll like kittens, delighted as it floats on the air currents created by the exhaust fan, then let it settle in a loopy pile on the floor before stuffing it into their poor, beleaguered toilets? Or do they think they have some insight into wiping efficiency that others lack? Are they concerned that we have not fully analyzed our technique out of laziness or ignorance, and now their plumbing is paying the price? Did they initially consider hosting workshops in the proper use of the bathroom, then decided to settle for a simple sign, in the hopes of provoking thought and discussion?

Consider me provoked!